To my surprise...

I've got thru a whole day sticking pretty well to the detox diet. After the soup of lunchtime, in the afternoon I scoffed: nothing. No Kit Kats, no Galaxies, no Mars Bars, no Snickers, no Bounties, no Minstrels, no Yorkies, no pains au chocolat, no croissants, no espressos, no teas, no Boosts, no crisps, no panini, no sandwiches, no baguettes, no Topics, no Maltesers, no Ritter Sport mit ganzen Mandeln, no Twixes, no Picnic, no Flyte, no Aeros, no Dairy Milks, no Whole Nut, no Fruit'n'Nut. No. Chocolate. Just drank healthsome H2O.
This evening, got home, drank water and consumed a Stir Fry of Extreme Virtue, featuring kidney beans, beansprouts, etc. Followed by some stewed apple. Taken plain. With no lashings of ice cream and maple syrup, like usual. And that's it. I'm not even going to have a bedtime cup of tea. I have had, in principle, no dairy, no wheat, no alcohol, almost no salt, no sugar (apart from the banana and apple). Not much of a headache. See how it goes tomorrow....

Monday morning

Got up late this morning, although wasn't TOO lazy. At least managed to drag myself from the comfy pit with a bit of spare time for ablutions. Got the 09:01 train though, just, and of course no bicycle. Still feeling achy, throat is still inflamed, still generally blech. Sauntered into work at 10:45-ish. I think my low health status makes me immune to the cuts, thrusts and pressures of corporate life, however, which is a mercy. People are rushing around and panicking about stuff, and I'm very much like that guy in that lovely film Office Space who just decides that he couldn't give a toss anymore, goes into work, but takes it REALLY EASY. So there's a problem with the E2E Test Feeds run, so what?? Next I'll get a memo about the cover sheets on my TPS Reports...
However, a plus positive on today's chart is that my diet is offically sorted. Oh yes. Breakfast = 1 banana (OK and some coffee, but come on! It's my first day.). Then no snackeries or anything til 12:30 when: Potato and Leek Soup. Equals Vegetables. Equals Virtue. Now, this is CANTEEN L&P soup - so is no doubt brimming with salt and artificialities, and is disturbingly gloopy which suggests some form of thickening agent. But at least it's not wheat... I've had no bread anyway...
Am drinking quite a few glasses of water. So far so good. Just one coffee today is in itself progress....

Time has passed...

And bugger all cycling has been done. Maybe it's back to the old wobbly regimen of indecisive avoidance? Yeah, maybe. Or maybe it's something to do with the real MUTHA of a cold bug thing that I've unendingly had the last fortnight. Bloody awful, it's been. Flu, aches, coughs, sneezes, inflamed throat, all the usual suspects lined up and mugging me every morning and night.
So now I need a serious detox. Am thinking about taking a late-ish train into work tomorrow, maybe cycle/maybe not, maybe find a B&B and stay over tomorrow night, get some serious sleeping done with no bastard journey to get thru (other than the pleasurable cycling bit). Might look into B&B possibilities tomorrow.
Anyway, maybe I could now move onto to using this weblog as a drone-sink for my further attempts to slap my willpower into some sort of shape. Having wrestled with, and prevailed against, my inherent laziness and risk-aversiness with regard to cycling to work, perhaps I could use this to record my upcoming battles with that ever-present bugbear of my waking life: food.
Appropriately enough, given the title of this weblog, my eating tends to go in cycles. I try to keep to a good diet, and sometimes it works for a bit, but I always, ALWAYS, fall into bad eating habits again. I managed to keep the Atkins diet going for a good few weeks - months even. But it stopped, and I before I knew it I'm back on the doughnuts and gaining weight again.
Ten years ago I was 82 kilos and pretty fit. Now I'm 106 kilos (maybe more, I haven't been near a gym to find out as Helen won't have scales in the house (apart from the culinary variety!). The last five or six years have just been a slow decline into compulsive scoffing, junk food, mad dieting, vague attempts at regaining fitness, and failure. Each cycle has got worse - in the sense of leaving me heavier, flabbier, and wheezier than the previous one.
How to kill the cycle and get back into a proper eating mode? I often eat to kill a gnawing emptiness inside me. I'm not actually hungry, of course I'm not. It's amazing when I hear fit people saying things like "Gosh I'm so STARVING!" when they had to skip lunch due to an ill-planned work schedule. Really? Starving heh? Like they do in Africa maybe?
OK, so, but for me I compulsively eat, scoff, gobble, cram because I feel empty. Unloved, unlovable. Etc, etc. Sometimes when I stuff a massive stack of choccie bars into my slavering gob I can literally hear this baby screaming inside me for food. I munch, it bawls. Then it's quieted for a bit. Then the cycle begins again.
So I thought I could combine cycling, exercise, diet, self-esteem, etc. etc., all those elusive things which turn my life into a confusing haze, into a diary subject. Get some of that confusion down in print. And also note the turning points, celebrate the successes, see if this method can help keep me on a path which I seem determined to fall off every time I try it.
Like at the moment, I'm thinking of trying out a new and quite radical health-food-freak-type diet. I could write down stuff about that. Combine it with how things are going exercise-wise. Try to get the measure of it all.
Gotta sleep, bugger it. I have to show up at work tomorrow or I am seriously for it.
Night.